I confess to being somewhat surprised to be asked to contribute to this series. After all, as I write this, I have been a priest for a whole two-and-a-half weeks. I could write at length about ministry as a deacon, but one thing I’ve learned in the last couple of weeks is that priesthood is a whole different ballgame. 

Priesthood has been for me a rather surreal experience so far. I was in preparation mode for close to 10 years. In that time at the seminary and in my pastoral placements, I longed to be able to minister as a priest and to celebrate the sacraments for God’s people at home in Massachusetts. 

So much time is spent in preparation, in and out of the classroom, in and out of the chapel, that there was a rather high degree of tension inside me. The next thing I know I was lying on the floor of St. Mary’s Cathedral. In all the ordinations I had served as a seminarian, I wondered what was going through the minds of the ordinandi as they lie there on the floor. I always resolved to ask, but never did. 

Well, going through my mind wasn’t the singing of the Litany of the Saints chanted by the choir and the congregation, but rather a sudden realization that this was it, that it was really happening. I wasn’t scared. What did hit home, though, was the gravity of what God, Mother Church, and I were conspiring to do. 

I was excited, to be sure, but humbled that with all my failings and faults, I would be chosen to bring God’s grace to his people. 

Twenty-four hours later, I was standing in the vestibule of St. Thomas More Church in Somerset. It felt odd wearing a chasuble and having the stole slung around my neck rather than over my left shoulder. As I stood with my new brothers, I was charged and excited to celebrate Mass for the first time after my ordination. 

It almost didn’t seem real as I walked down the main aisle and began incensing the altar. In truth, everything except the Eucharistic Prayer was a bit of a blur. I remember snippets here and there. I know my godson proclaimed the Word like a pro. I know the choir did a fantastic job. I know Father Correia’s homily was excellent and moved me in a profound way. I know the thanks I expressed before the final blessing were as heartfelt as I could force human language to be.

The Eucharistic Prayer, though, was the center. As soon as the Sanctus was over, time slowed way down. It was as though brakes had been applied to the universe. As I spoke the words, a great wave of expectation flowed over me. As I held Our Lord up for all to see and worship, I was struck.

It’s at this point that language isn’t good enough. There are no words for what is in my heart. The closest I can get is to say that I knew what just happened and I knew that my creator used me, his creation, to do it. 

There have been other firsts since then, notably my first confession, my first anointing, and the first day at my first assignment. About hearing my first confession, I’ll say nothing other than this: I was amazed that Jesus used me, a sinner, to forgive someone else’s sins.

Before my first anointing, I felt like a schoolboy on his first day until I walked into that room and brought the sacraments of God’s healing to one of the suffering. My first day at my assignment was one of new beginnings. As I moved my things into the rectory, I was excited for the blessings and challenges that lay ahead. 

So here I sit, reflecting on my 18-day-old priesthood. I know that with an open heart, I can be a source of blessing for God’s people and, likewise, they for me, and that they and I, together with God, can help each other reach the new and eternal Jerusalem.

Father Deston was ordained June 13, 2009. He is currently a parochial vicar at St. Pius X Parish in South Yarmouth.